dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
