It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
