he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
