The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
