This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
