And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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