He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
