forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
