I'm lost and stupid without you.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
