Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
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