got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
