wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
