You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
