i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
