i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
