I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
