One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
