I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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