While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Drake has all the answers
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
