another moral hangover. fuck.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Sober January is a disaster.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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