Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
