So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
