Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
