You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
