If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
