im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
