You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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