your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
