i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
