Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
