Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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