I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
