uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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