If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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