She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
