She is in my trunk
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
