i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
