How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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