Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
