I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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