i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
