so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
