Your face is a jimmy john
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
