I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
