Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
