Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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