This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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