God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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