I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
