What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i believe in u and ur pee
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
